Ask HN: How to approach new people in 2026?

My sister makes friends with seemingly everyone. I had no idea how, but then after some family events we ended up spending several days together a few months ago. The main thing I noticed is that she compliments people any time she seems something she likes. I could see her get physically uncomfortable when she saw a bag she liked and the person was just out of reach and in a conversation. Eventually she was able to give the compliment and it was like a wave of calm came over her. I think this acts as a good ice breaker and she ends up meeting a ton of people.

I had a friend who used to do this as more of a game when he would be at the bars. He’d get real loose with compliments. It opens people up to talk more about the thing, if they are into it, and puts them in a better mood. At times he had trouble getting away from some people who really wanted to keep talking to the guy who liked their glasses/shirt/whatever.

Right now on the front page: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=47142183

Also interesting and somewhat related: https://pudding.cool/2025/06/hello-stranger/

If you struggle with small talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRG-YubP1rw

But to give a piece of advice not from a URL, is there any interest you have which other people may share and gather for? If you like games, for example, a local game shop is a good place to meet others. There’s usually always someone there, they tend to be welcoming to newcomers, and having something to do (play a game) can make you forget some of the awkwardness.

You might receive a lot of well-intended advice that does not take into account the social context of Scandinavia, which is a particularly hard nut to crack when it comes to casual conversations with people you don't know.

Swedes seem to be context-driven in this regard. There are certain places and activities where it's OK to strike up small talk, outside of those accepted situations, they keep to themselves. One I have found is sports, this winter I've had casual chats with about 80% of the people I come across at my local ski trails. But it's mostly at the starting point or at the car park, not while you're training. Another one is regular organised activities, e.g. check out your local friluftsfrämjandet, or activities around specific interests and hobbies, and show up somewhat consistently. Every kommun will typically have a registry of local clubs on their website, it's called a föreningsregister, read through it and see if something strikes your fancy.

Luckily, as foreigners, we typically get a bit of a pass for not being entirely up to snuff with the social rules, but knowing some Swedish will help you.

Good luck !

I love starting conversations with strangers. People usually love getting a genuine, non-creepy compliment. I think the key is to not force it into a conversation if they don't pick it up. Just leave off if they don't seem to want to continue talking.

> do you ever start conversations with strangers in public, and if so how? are there environments where this works better than others?

Nowadays, I don't, but I grew up in an environment that was different. Speaking to strangers was a norm, not something that merited attention. Modern western culture is extremely anti-social these days. I would say I'm naturally reserved but my tolerance and comfort level in situations where I have to integrate my life with others is high.

My answer may not be of great help, but if you are struggling with this I would really encourage you to move to a completely different environment (i.e. Latin America) where the norms are different. In my opinion this is not something an individual can easily solve. It's a cultural issue. Culture can take a lifetime / generation to change and that's if the people collectively decide it's worth changing.

If we get real, the loneliness epidemic is something we foisted on ourselves. Striving to avoid any awkwardness or discomfort is precisely why social life is so sterile these days. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

I'm not familiar with living in your particular culture, but could you get a dog? The dog will force you to go outside twice a day and during that time you will meet the other people also being forced outside by their dog. Plus you enroll the dog in dog manners school, and schedule meetups with the dog to play. If it doesn't work out for meeting more people at least you have a dog too.

We tried to solve this problem in a way, you 'mark' yourself as available for a chat or quick chat. Hopefully it can help increase the chance for random encounter in nearby area.

> so i am curious how others approach this today. how do you meet new people outside of work or school in 2026? do you ever start conversations with strangers in public, and if so how? are there environments where this works better than others? for people living in more reserved cultures (like scandinavia), what strategies have worked for you? would love to hear what has worked for others.

I did pickup for many years in my late teens and early twenties. It started out learning how to talk to and attract women, but I learnt general social skills too and learnt how to make friends pretty easily.

Something I've learnt is that if you're thinking about "approaching" people that you're probably not going to get very far. People are weirdly good at smelling your intent. It's kinda like how you know that someone who stops you in the street is trying to sell you something before they've even said a word. People know when you're not being sincere or when you want something from them, even if that thing you want is just to be their friend it will come off as desperate and weird.

What you need to do is become good at finding situations in which it would be totally normal to talk to someone then put yourself in them.

My advice would be to find an event where you live. Ideally you want an event which will attract a decent crowd and where socialising is possible (not a loud club, not a movie, etc). Good events might be a street celebration or carnival, or maybe just a park on a sunny day.

Before you go think about ways you might start a conversation. If possible they should be genuine. Some examples:

- Go to a beach and sit in an area where there's a group that might be good to talk to. Cook food on a portable BBQ and offer some to the group near you. "Hey, I got some left over burgers from my BBQ – do you want some?" Regardless of whether they say yes or no immediately transition, "Nice day today. You local?". etc..

- Go to a carnival with some bottles but no bottle opener then ask people if they have a bottle opener. Again, regardless of whether they say yes or no, immediately transition into conversation.

Personally where possible I liked trying to get people to approach me first... So for example if you're in a place where lots of people are drinking it's quite common for someone to approach you, especially if you're on your own or have something / are doing something that might attract attention (again you should be creating these scenarios). Then once someone has started talking to you from here you should try to get to know their friends and try to bounce between people and groups until you find someone / some group you like. For me that felt so much more natural if I went out on my own than trying to talk up to people and try to talk to them.

Please don't try talking to random people on the bus or when you're walking down the street. No one wants this. They'll either be weirded out by you or give you really bad vibes. These bad experiences will create negativity around interacting with strangers and make it less likely for you to talk to strangers going forward. Find natural ways to meet and talk to new people. Over time as you become more confident and used to talking to random people you might find non-weird ways to talk to people on a bus or in the street, but trust me, it's not easy if you want to do more than say hello.

No one wants to be approached.